Eggnog is a Yuletide treat I first encountered as a little girl. My Dad would bring home a carton full of this yellowish, thick looking stuff that smelled kind of funny and tasted even stranger. A few sips was about all I could handle before passing the glass off onto my Dad, who surely swigged the cup dry. I’ve since grown quite fond of the viscous beverage, but the one I enjoy has a couple major tweaks. The stuff I sip isn’t store bought, and it’s got a hell of a lot of booze in it!

Grab your gaudiest apron and crank the Christmas jams, we’re making eggnog for your noggin!

According to the culinary class act, Alton Brown, eggnog is likely the great great grandchild of an English beverage called sack posset. The ingredients were eggs, milk, and booze – either fortified wine or BEER! While I’m clearly a beer lover, I’m not ready to put eggs and milk in it. So we’re going with the modern eggnog thing, ya dig?

For even more beer connections, “nog” used to refer to ale, and a noggin was the small wooden vessel you drank it from. As such, the blog title “Eggnog For Your Noggin” translates to “Egg Beer For Your Little Cup”. Yeah, I’ll stick with the former of the two.

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THINGS YOU WILL NEED

Stuff You Might Already Have…

-Giant Ass Bowl
-Two Regular Sized Bowls
-Glass Containers With Lids (Mason jars work great)
-Measuring Cup
-Whisk
-Microplane or Grater (For the nutmeg)

Stuff To Buy At The Grocery Store…

-1 Dozen Eggs (You’ll just need the yolks)
-4 Cups of Whole Milk (This ain’t no time for the skinny shit)
-1 Cup Heavy Cream (See?)
-2 Cups White Sugar
-A Pinch of Kosher Salt
-A Modest Amount of Grated Nutmeg (For mixing into the nog and for topping right before consumption!)

Stuff To Buy At The Liquor Store…

-1 Liter of Bourbon (I used Jim Beam)
-¾ Cup of Meyer’s Dark Rum
-¾ Cup of Brandy (E&J is fine, but buy something nicer if you intend to age the nog upwards of a year)
-A Bottle of Fine Beer or Wine

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OK, got all the stuff together? Tunes are jammin? Apron on? Good. Now grab that bottle of beer or wine you just bought and open it. That’s for now. You didn’t think we were going to make nog sober, did you?

The Real Steps

1. Using your two regular sized bowls, carefully crack the eggs and separate the whites from the yolk by passing the yolk back and forth between the two sides of the shell. If the yolk breaks, just dump it into the yolk bowl the best you can. A bit of egg white won’t hurt the nog if some gets in there.
2. Wash your nasty, eggy hands off and take a few swigs of beer (I’ll just assume you bought beer because that’s what I would buy). You earned it. You can save the whites if you wish, or you can dump them. Whatever.
3. The next part is super easy. Dump the sugar and yolks into your giant ass bowl and whisk them together until you’ve got a nice, yellow paste. The texture should be like sticky, wet sand at first. Once the sugar dissolves a bit more, it’ll be easier to mix in the other ingredients. Take your time whisking.
4. Drink beer.
5. Add the other ingredients in whatever order you like, mixing a bit here and there as you add them. The goal is to dissolve all those little yellow sugar boogers that like to sink to the bottom. Give the bottom of the bowl special attention with the whisk to make sure all your noggy goodness is well mixed. Again, there’s no rush here. Whisk away.
6. Now grab that measuring cup you used for, you know, measuring out the ingredients. You’re gonna use it as a scooper now! Dip it into the fresh nog and start portioning it out into your array of glass containers. Don’t have enough containers? Pour it into the empty whiskey bottle! That’ll work. Use a funnel if you pour like a child.
7. Clean up your containers and stick ‘em in the fridge so they can get niiiice and cold.
8. This last step is a doozy, and I didn’t list this final ingredient until now because I didn’t want to scare you off. The ingredient? TIME. A whole month, actually. After you pop your new nog in the fridge, it’s time to wait. It completely depends on your comfort drinking raw eggs and risking foodborne illness. (*DISCLAIMER* I am not telling you to drink raw eggs. Do so at your own risk!) The booze will kill off most of the baddies after three weeks, but it’s best to give it a month. Take another swig of beer. It’s going to be ok.

That’s how you do it. If you’re smart and able to manage it, you can drink the eggnog you made last year while you make the eggnog for this year. But if you can’t wait, beer will do just fine. (It always does.)

Aside from making sure you don’t get sick, ageing your eggnog truly changes the flavor profile for the better! The intensely boozy bite you’ll get after a month of ageing mellows out quite a bit after a second month. After a year, it’s so mellow you’ll feel like you need more liquor in there. Trust me, you don’t.

The super mellow character of year-old eggnog really allows the brandy flavors to shine. Mine tastes a bit grapey, to be honest. This is why you’ll want to choose a nicer brandy if you want to age it a whole year. The whiskey quality isn’t as big a concern because it’s going to smooth out no matter what. As for the Meyer’s, just get it. You won’t need the whole bottle for the nog, but it’s good to have around for bananas foster. Mmmmm….

I promise, this is all worth the wait. In a month’s time, you’ll be sitting back watching the snow fall, noggin of nog in hand.